dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
