In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize