You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
