If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Drake has all the answers
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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