I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
