it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
handjob tips. give me some.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
