I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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