I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
