Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize