I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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