True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The feeling are messing with the penis
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
