got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
