Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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