dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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