Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
