I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
