I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
