you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
