why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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