I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
