man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
