Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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