This house was built for laser tag.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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