Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The air taste purple.
Randomize
