I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
