As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize