i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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