we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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