Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think your dad took our porno
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
These tits shall not be calmed
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
