woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize