i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
