i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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