Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
