I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
