I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I feel like abortions should bother me more
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
