I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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