Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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