I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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