We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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