Im at strip club and am horny
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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