Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize