Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
