Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
