I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
