you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
