who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he thought i was a dude.
Dignity is for republicans.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
