i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
