My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
