Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
im six kinds of drunk right now
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
