I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
