he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize