Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
