They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
