he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
