theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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