I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
