I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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