Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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