nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
