I will die if light touches me.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
