Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
