I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
