do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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