I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
