Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
