what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
