Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
