her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
