Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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