Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
