i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
