You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
