if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There r osticjed everywhere
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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