Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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