If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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