I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
