some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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