You really coming over, don't trick.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
