God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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