i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
