Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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