I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
