i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It's shark week go big or go home
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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