Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
