ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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