dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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