I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
