We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize