I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
