After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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