I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im holly from the hills drunk
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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