I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
