I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
