his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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