just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
