first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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